Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Randomize
