Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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