I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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