I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
