Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
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