I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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