Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Randomize
