The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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