there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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