Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
