It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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