My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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