How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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