Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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