Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
