i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
