He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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