Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
