I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Randomize
