I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
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