Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
