as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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