This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Randomize
