In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I'm bleeding and have questions
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
