He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
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