I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Randomize
