Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
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