he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
