I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
