How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
