AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
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