i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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