Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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