Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I love having hate sex.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Randomize
