You really coming over, don't trick.
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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