when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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