She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
