you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Randomize
