all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
No...this little piggys going to the bar
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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