Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
