Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Randomize
