WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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