He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
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