i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
