I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Randomize
