I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
