I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
