I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
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