Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Randomize
