YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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