Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
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