And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Randomize
