Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
