I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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