there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
