After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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