I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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