Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize