Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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