so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
