and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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