Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Randomize
