if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
