Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
