Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
