NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
