Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Randomize
