yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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