dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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