I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
