there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
