it's too hot outside to masturbate.
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
