when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
