You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I need to sanitize my soul.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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