You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
