No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Randomize
